How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Farmville is her only friend.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
