She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
