That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
