he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
