Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
