Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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