Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
