Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
