Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
