You can't special order awesome
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
