He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
