i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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