I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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