Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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