my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
