Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
