oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
