I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize