My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
