the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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