this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
