Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
