You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
