Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
