dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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