I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
