you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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