Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
