yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
