Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
