we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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