I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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