i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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