I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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