The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
