Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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