He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
