I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
