It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
