just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
