Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
