It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she smelled like a LAN party
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I FOUND THE LEGS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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