this just has baby written all over it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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