4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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