Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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