he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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