he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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