i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
