You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
high people should be assigned attendants
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
