hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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