I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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