I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
