peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
