I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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