i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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