its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
