Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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