i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
