My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize