i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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