she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
