Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
