can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
