I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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