After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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