Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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