Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
