well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
