I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
