There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
