you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
