Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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