even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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