you guys were way drunker than both of me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
