Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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