The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
